One of my close friends is a new “boy mom”. Her three-year-old son, George, is absolutely adorable. He is kind, playful, funny, rambunctious, and imaginative. He is also in a phase right now where he likes to hit, well, everything. He also likes to try and tackle her. My friend contends that this is just a part of raising a boy for her–sometimes, he rough-houses and wrestles. Luckily, George (almost) always asks for her permission before he hits something. The other day, he looked at the cat, looked back at her, and asked, “Hit?”. Of course, she said “No, we don’t hit Murphy.” He managed to restrain himself, while giving her a mischievous grin.
If you are new to parenting boys and witness behavior like this, it might at first concern you. But the truth is that it is completely normal for a little boy to go through a temporary phase where he wants to “hit”–they need to explore, they are likely to be very active, and they often use their bodies to help them understand the world. Of course, this is a generalization and behavior will vary from child to child. That being said, biological and cultural factors often lead to distinct behaviors that differ between young boys and young girls.
What’s more, each gender will likely experience and understand the world around them and interact with it in a way that is unique. Learning about the specific development of your child will help you have empathy for them and learn how to be better parents for them. It will help you help them thrive. We have put together this list of “must reads” for parents with boys to help you understand what your boy might experience in his young life, why your boy may behave the way that he does, and learn how to interact with him in a more positive and fruitful way.
Co-authored by two therapists (and fathers of five sons), this title may sound familiar to you. That is because James and Thomas used the themes of the Caldecott Medal winning children’s book Where the Wild Things Are in order to discuss techniques for parenting boys. The book advertises itself as “a practical guide to understanding the way, mind, and heart of a boy”. Although the book does have some Christian undertones, this book is useful for any boy parent. James and Thomas elaborate on boys’ physical, spiritual, and mental journeys toward an enriching, authentic, and genuine manhood. They explore the life of a boy in many settings, from home to school. Perhaps most importantly, the authors address the role that emotions play in boys’ lives: “Boys need to see that emotions belong in the life of a man. And they need to learn how to identify, resolve, and express their emotions.”
This instant #1 New York Times bestseller is a must-read for all parents. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist at New York University, meticulously lays out the grim and far-reaching impacts of smartphones, social media, and big-tech on our society’s youth. From mental health to development, Haidt explores all of the ways in which this technology has affected children. Although this book is not only about boys, it does dive into gender-specific issues. Haidt elaborates on why social media damages girls more than boys, and why boys are retreating into the isolating virtual world instead of forming relationships in real life. Fortunately, Haidt ends the book on a positive note by offering guidance for parents on how they can protect their kids from technology’s grip or, at the very least, use it wisely.
How to Raise a Feminist Son is a beautiful conglomerate of stories, anecdotes, and conversations that are all woven together with one key thread: Sonora Jha and her son’s autobiography. Throughout the book, Jha (a journalist professor at Seattle University) grapples with the question of how an immigrant mother can raise an American feminist son. This book not only discusses how to have conversations with your sons about consent, sexist messages from the media, and other feminist issues–it also teaches you how to be a better feminist yourself. In her book, Jha argues that “feminism is not about a moment of final triumph over patriarchy but about the gradual transformation of society so decisively that old markers shift forever.” She sees her time educating her son and learning alongside him as an essential part of this feminist journey, this slow transformation that steadily conquers the patriarchy.
Across all races, socio-economic classes, and ages, men are falling behind. This might seem strange, given that it’s girls who currently face many oppressive issues and they have faced these issues for centuries. Nevertheless, it is true that boys are losing ground in the classroom, workplace, and the family. Richard Reeves, father of three sons and a Brookings Institution scholar, spent twenty-five years studying the crisis of boyhood and manhood and has laid his findings out in this book. Reeves explores how girls are outperforming men in various academic and professional domains, how men are more likely to feel socially excluded, are less likely to find a partner again after divorce, and so much more. Reeves also brainstorms thoughtful solutions to this issue, including rejecting the archaic idea of hypermasculinity, redefining manhood in a positive way, and calling for gender equality movements to consider the needs and concerns of boys as well as girls. Ultimately, Of Boys and Men argues that helping one gender does not mean giving up on the other gender, and vice versa.
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